Tuesday, April 26, 2011

National Infertility Awareness Week - Bust A Myth!

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. RESOLVE and the infertility community are busting myths and telling truths about common myths and misconceptions of being “infertile”.
Myth:  “Maybe you aren’t meant to have a child…”
I want to bust this myth into next week. This is quite possibly the worst statement I have ever heard in our 4+ years of trying to have a baby.
Any kind of TTC advice I’ve gotten I’ve always tried to take lightly.  Certain things work for some and not for others. I have decided that the ability to get pregnant is actually total luck. All stars have to be aligned and all has to be right in the land of fertility for those little swimmers to catch that egg. It really is a miracle that there are so many people in this world.
It wasn’t until we were momentarily pregnant in January 2007, after 5 months of trying, that I was faced with the word “miscarriage” on such a personal level. The minute I was in the midst of one, I heard of others I knew who had had one and sadly, just how common it really is. When you are trying to have a baby and watching ever so carefully for every little symptom you might have, and it’s therefore possible to know that you are pregnant VERY early, it is likely that you will experience an early miscarriage at some point. If you are not specifically “trying” and aren’t counting the days and keeping track of your cycle and so on, you may have had a miscarriage and will never know it.
But when you do have one, you should never have to hear “Maybe you aren’t meant to have a child.” It is the cruelest statement ever. Especially as time continues to pass without ever again having a positive pregnancy test no matter the extremes you go to. I’ve been poked, prodded, tested, medicated, operated on, all without success or even a real reason as to why it is not happening for us. I have not had one more positive pregnancy test since January 2007, despite our hopes, desires, and all the money we have spent.
Sure, I have to deal with the fact every day of my life that we will probably never be parents, that we probably waited too long, but it’s no one else’s place to tell me that I’m just not meant to be one. Not cool.
If you aren’t sure what to say to someone in my shoes, just say you’re sorry. That's it.
RESOLVE.org is a wonderful resource for those dealing with infertility, as well as for friends and family of those struggling. They have a lot of information for all aspects. Do what you can to support couples experiencing this heartbreaking disease. Visit RESOLVE today. Here are two very informative links: http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  and  http://www.resolve.org/takecharge .


  1. Great post. Really from the heart. I have been told that maybe I'm just supposed to be happy with what I have, meaning my stepson. He might be the only child I ever get but it is a very shallow thing to say to someone. So is "maybe you're just not meant to have a child". Thanks for this post.

  2. I posted a comment on here last night but now it's gone. Ugh! Anyway, great post. I'm sorry for your loss and yes, I hate it when people say things like that, too. As if we already fear that our "plan" does not include kids, people feel the need to give that fear a voice. So not right.

  3. I have not been faced with infertility so I can only say that I hope you will be able to experience the joy of being a parent.

    I haven't read your blog before, so I am not sure what your stance on adoption is but I will always be thankful that my parents adopted me and even though they've passed on, I still count them as my "real" parents even though I've also had a relationship with my birth Mom for the past 20 years.

  4. Thanks TeeJay!! I know you know excatly how I feel. Hugs to you.

  5. @FatAngryBlog, thank you for reading my blog post and commenting. I think it's great that you were so close to your adopted parents - that is wonderful!