Saturday, December 31, 2011

Health and Wellness Goals for 2012

Happy New Year! Happy 2012!! I am happy to have a fresh start. Something about a new year that makes me feel like I have a chance to start over and get it right, yet again.

I hate to use the word resolutions, so I am going to use the word goals. I have a few health and wellness-related goals, and what better place to put them then here, where anyone can see them. I am all about accountability, so here goes.

1) Be nicer to myself in 2012. This is a hard one for me. I tend to get mad at my body for the things it can't do and then I don't care what I do to it. Mostly, eating. I love to eat, no surprise there, but I go through phases where I just flat out don't care how much I eat or what I eat. Screw it, I just don't care. Well, as fun as it is at that moment, I CAN'T DO THAT. I am fortunate to like and enjoy a lot of healthy foods and I should really focus on those more than the bad.

2) Do my best to stick to a regular walking/running routine even when I am too busy. This is another downfall of mine. When I get busy and have too much to do, my needs are the first to go. And ususally, any exercise I am currently into at the time goes out the window. It's the easiest thing to give up because I can't give up things like sleep, eat, take care of the dogs, etc... I CAN'T DO THAT. Everyone gets busy and it's hard to fit everything in. I need to lose my all-or-nothing mentality and remember that even if I don't have time for a 3-mile walk, 1-mile would be better than nothing. Over time it all adds up and it is good for my mental health.

3) Lose weight. I am having such a hard time with my weight these days. I'll address the "how much do I need to lose" on a later post. I know metabolism slows down as you get older and I am here to tell you that is true. But I have to find a way to make it work. I can't continue on this path of eating whatever I want, when I want because it tastes good. I CAN'T DO THAT. My short frame is not meant to be this weight. I can feel it, my body aches, and I don't like it. I know over time with proper eating and activity it will respond. It may happen slower than it has in the past, but I am confident that I can lose the weight.

4) Do more walking/running events. After signing up for my first half marathon the other day, I am already thinking about a second one. Yes, I am an over-achiever. I would like to do TWO half-marathons in 2012 and I would like to do THREE 5Ks. Here's the catch.... I want to run two of the 5Ks. I used to be able to run 3 miles at a time and I will get back there. I'm already looking into local events for the year.

5) Read more books. This one is totally non-health related, but it's something I'd like to do so it falls under the wellness category. With my current Kindle Fire obsession, I have plenty to read and I want to work towards a goal of 40 books for the year.

6) Keep up with my blog as regularly as possible. I'm not sure that when people read this they enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it, but it is so fun for me to do and makes me feel better. It's like my journal, a way to express my feelings and most of all, I can pretend to be a writer. Thank you to all who read this!

What are YOUR goals for 2012?

508 miles in 2011

With my run this morning, on the last day of the year, I can now look back at 2011 and see how
far I walked/ran. My total miles for the year....508 HOLY COW! Some of it was running, some of it was walking. Many of the higher miles was training with Jenna for the 3-Day. The most miles logged in one month was back in March when I set a goal to walk 100 miles for the month and I did 104. Here's a nifty chart from dailymile on my mileage by month. Not too shabby.



So when I look at this and my total miles, I automatically think "I need to top this in 2012".
I am so darn competitive with myself. So here, for all to see, I am setting a goal of 600 miles
for 2011. That's 50 miles per month. Why not?

It was foggy this morning during my run,  but it was so pretty at the park. A few pictures
I took while there... It was a pretty nice way to end 2011!

Eagle Lake Park   12/31/11




Thursday, December 29, 2011

I'm gonna do it!

Earlier in the year I mentioned wanting to do the Rock 'N Roll 1/2 Marathon in St. Pete in February. When I stopped my running / walking routine, I thought that was now just a dream. How could I possibly do it?

I have not stopped thinking about it. Whether I've been running or walking or not in the past few crazy busy months, it has been on my mind. The other night it occurred to me that there is nothing stopping me from doing it. Why not? I must be crazy! This prompted me even more to get off my butt yesterday morning and go running/walking. Even after not doing it for a few months, my time was not awful.

I asked hubby if he thought I could do it and of course he said YES. (thank you honey!) If he thinks I can do it, then I know I can. And having him at the finish line, waiting for me and cheering me on will motivate me even more.

It's 2 weeks after my 40th birthday. I can't think of a better time to do my first 1/2 marathon. I'M GONNA DO IT!!! I may not run the whole thing, but I'll give it my best shot and will feel very accomplished when it's over, whatever my time may be. 2012 is going to be MY year. I'm going to do more things for myself and this seems like a pretty good way to start it.



I'm gonna do it!!


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Wrapping up 2011

It's hard to believe there are only a few days left in 2011. I remember when I was little and being so sad the day after Christmas, just thinking about how long it was until next Christmas. Time seemed to pass so quickly back then. Now, it seems like I blink and a month has passed.

2011 was a good year, despite the sadness that enveloped our family the end of 2010. Much of our family remained close as each month passed without my dad. My dad was a true family man, loved having everyone together. When he was in the hospital, we pulled together even more, leaning on each other for suppport. Stronger bonds were formed out of heartache. We celebrated holidays together as a family, an important tradition my dad would want us to keep up.

Ozzie joined our family in April. When I saw his picture on the Humane Society Facebook page, I had to go and visit him. Hubby and I had been discussing adding a second dog, a brother for Blue. When I met him, I knew we had to have him. Someone else had already placed a hold on him but for whatever reason, she could not take him right away and of course their goal is to place the pets in their forever homes as quickly as they can. After taking hubby back with me, and Blue, to meet him, we brought him home. He was very shy the day we brought him home and we were still a little unsure of how he would get along with Blue. He has fit into our home so wonderfully, it seems impossible now to imagine him not being there. He is such a handsome boy, my sweet Ozzie. He longs to be loved and is happy just being by our side. Ozzie and Blue are quite the perfect pair, just like brothers.

Two of my fabulous aunts visited for a week in the summer. Time with them is always a treasure. There is much laughter, Scrabble-playing, and enjoying our time together.

 Hubby and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in October. It doesn't seem possible that we have already been married for 10 years and together for 12. We had a wonderful anniversary dinner. I am so lucky to have my wonderful hubby who loves me so. I love him so very much.

In November, we had our fun trip to California. It was a great time, even with the flying part which I do not like. I fly so rarely that I am just not a good flyer. I hate taking off, literally have to close my eyes and not think about it. It's silly, but it's how it is.

And now Christmas has yet again come and gone, and we are looking ahead to 2012. This Sunday we are having a New Years Day family dinner at my brother and sister-in-law's house. It will be another great family day. I enjoy time spent together, catching up, and time with Autumn and her little laugh that is so contagious. Family, food, and fun - my kind of day.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Where has the time gone?

I am embarrassed at the time that has past since my last post, which was on October 23rd. I got crazy busy with work and everything else took a backseat. EVERYTHING. Working out, eating right, and trying to keep myself at the top of my never-ending list of things to do.

With 2011 coming to an end, I have realized that I have to make myself a priority, regardless of anything else that is happening.

My last post was about Jenna's last training walk for the 3-Day. She did a fabulous job walking 60 miles over 3 days, camping out in the cold and wind. I saw her off at the opening ceremony, cheered her on on day 2 at one of the many cheering stations, and congratulated her at closing ceremony. I was, and am still, so proud of her for what she accomplished. I am also thankful to her for including me in her training as I met some amazing women. We have all gotten together once since the 3-Day for a short 5-mile walk and breakfast. I hope, hope, hope that we can all get together again soon after the holidays.



In November, my hubby and I went to California with my mom for Thanksgiving. My mom had not been out there in 17 years. My last time out was about 13 years ago. It was a FANTASTIC trip, full of catching up with family we had not seen in years and visiting places from our past. I was born  there and while I had been back several times over the years, this was my first time back in a long time with my mom and to see her enjoy her time there so much was great. I am so glad hubby got to meet more of my family (we have a huge family!) and see where I was born. We also visited one of hubby's cousins who he had not seen in close to 20 years and who I had never met. It was also a bittersweet trip, visiting my grandfather's grave. My dad never got back to see visit his grave since he passed and we took some of my dad's ashes out there to reunite them. It seemed very fitting and there was a sense of closure, knowing how close they were and how they are together again.





December 4th brought us to the one-year mark of my dad's passing. This year was a total blur, mostly because I was numb for most of it. I'm still not sure how it passed so quickly. I have a year's worth of sunset pictures from Crystal Beach where we spend the 4th of every month. It is a tradition my mom and I have kept to this whole year and I plan to continue it. Every thought, feeling, and emotion of the time my dad spent in the hospital, and then his passing is still very fresh in my mind. I think of him every single day and treasure the endless memories we made over the years. I had a very special tattoo done on the 4th, designed by Jenna. Daddy will always be with me and looking over my shoulder now. I am so glad I had it done. That same day, we all got together at Crystal Beach for yet another beautiful sunset in his memory and then dinner at one of his favorite restaurants.





Christmas Day was celebrated at our house after hubby and Mommy and I went to put flowers at the cemetery for Daddy. My mom made her fabulous turkey dinner (thank you Mommy!!). Nick, Jenna, and Autumn came over. Autumn's laughter filled the house most of the day, there is nothing like it. They also brought their pup Scarlett, who played endlessly with Blue. Ozzie was content just being around everyone. Jenni, Nile, Nathan, and Cheryl came over, as well as Larry, Vicki, and Mary Ann. It was so nice to have a house full of family on such a special day. We are thankful to have a home to invite everyone to, and thankful that everyone joined us and had a grand time.




I am anxious to get back into a routine, the routine that is necessary for me to be the best person I can be. I have got to get back into healthier habits and it is my goal to do just that. The new year brings with it a new start. I AM READY!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Training comes to an end...

For the last 4 months, I have joined Jenna on her training walks for the 3-Day. Each week, our walks in Safety Harbor increased in mileage, in preparation for the big event. I have met some wonderful ladies, heard some touching stories, and have enjoyed the company of Jenna and the others on many a Saturday morning. And the beautiful sunrises and scenery, just breathtaking.


The dynamic duo!


When I started walking with her, it was H-O-T. And it got hotter. The best part of the walks, besides the fabulous company, were the pit stops with the ice cold towels that I would either wrap around my neck or put on top of my head. The last couple of weeks have had such nice weather. This weekend, in particular, was so nice and cool - we even wore jackets. Nothing like walking on a cool, crisp morning with low humidity. So awesome.

We are FABULOUS!


Our longest walk to date was 20 miles last Saturday, much like they will experience on the actual 3-Day. It took us 7 hours (not including breakfast). We were SO proud of ourselves when we finished. Someone asked me this week how do you walk 20 miles? You just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Simple as that.

Glorious sunrise this morning over Tampa Bay. 10/23/11


This was the last weekend for training walks. We did 6 miles yesterday and 6 miles this morning. Everyone seemed so excited and pumped for next Friday - the REAL thing! I am so excited for everyone and will keep everyone in my thoughts and cheering everyone on. Jenna and I have already signed up to crew next year. I am so excited to share that experience with her after having such a great time training with her this year.

Pretty view from the bridge going into Philippe Park. 


I was a little sad this morning when we all went our separate ways but I so look forward to next year when it all starts over again.

GOOD LUCK to all the fabulous ladies on Thanks For The Mammories and SOB's. You all ROCK!!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Happy 10th Anniversary Honey!!

It has been TOO long since I last updated my blog. I knew I had to make time to do it today, as this is our 10th wedding anniversary.

10 years ago today I married my honey, the love of my life, my best friend. He is everything to me and I cannot imagine my life without him. We have had our share of ups and downs and heartaches, but mostly very happy times. He has been by my side through some tough stuff  - a miscarriage, infertility, losing our sweet Sammi, and saying goodbye to my Daddy. He is my rock and through everything we go through, I am reminded  how lucky I am to have such a strong, amazing, and faithful man by my side.

Happy 10 years to you honey! I look forward to many, many more right by your side. I love you.



Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Remembering Sweet Sammi

Two years ago today, we said goodbye to our Sweet Sammi. A little Terrier mix who ruled our home, loved us unconditionally, and left her paw prints forever on our hearts. She came into my life at just 6 weeks old, a little furball who looked like a gremlin. She was 17 when we had to have her put down on the sad Sunday, Sept. 13, 2009. She was such a good dog, although totally misunderstood. She was very protective and had poor vision, which meant if she didn't know you, she would bark her head off at you and could sound pretty scary despite her 14 pounds.


A very young Sammi with my little sister.

She was my baby. When I met Mike, she had to grow to like him and of course she did. He loved her and spoiled her just as much as I did. She lived to be with us, to protect us, and to love us.


Stylish in her little diva sweater

We were lucky that she lived a very healthy life. She was only sick for a few days when very quickly, her breathing became very labored and after a couple days, we realized it was time to take her to the emergency vet. It was a dark, dreary, rainy Sunday afternoon when we said goodbye. I was lucky enough to hold her when she left us. When we left the emergency vet, the sun was out and there was a bright rainbow across the sky. I knew then we did the right thing, no matter how hard and sad it was. And since then, I think of Sammi everytime I see a rainbow and know that she is watching over us.


Snuggling with Mike

Dogs are with us for such a short time and they accompany us through different times of our lives. I was 20 years old when I got Sammi and she went with me when I moved in with Mike and made a home for the three of us. She was my comfort through our infertility heartbreaks and was always ready to curl up with me and love me. Sammi, along with Mike and I, made up our little family. She will forever be a part of us. We love and miss you Sammi.


Christmas 2008, our last with Sammi


January 2009 - one of my favorite photos of our Sweet Sammi

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Back to basics!

In my ongoing quest to figure out what I need to do to make this whole weight-loss thing work for me, I started thinking about how I did the first time I joined WW in January of 2006. The biggest thing that jumps out at me is that I didn't use eTools then. I tracked everything by hand. My little journal went everywhere with me. I would even write out my whole day ahead of time and actually stick to it. I kept all of those journals and pulled them out this morning to look at them. I was so organized, I labeled everyone when I finished it so I can go back and look at them in order. Here they are...

When I compare eTools to tracking by hand, the biggest difference is the ability to hold it in my hand and look through it. A lot of work went into these. Now, I'm not knocking eTools - this method works for many many people. And I tried it for quite awhile this time around, but I really think it's not for me. And I think that if I go back to the old fashioned way, it just may be that little something I need to help me get back into it. Back to basics.

I looked through journal #1 at what one day consiststed of food wise. There was no shortage of food. It was good for me and I don't remember being hungry. Here is what one day looked like, from the week I joined (and successfully lost 3 pounds in that week by staying on track).


At that time, I could have 22 points daily points. Under the new plan, I can have 29, and there are some days I can't make that work. Something to think about.

While we're at it, I fill you in on how I did that first time on WW. I joined on Jan. 14, 2006 and I weighed 156 pounds. I made my goal on June 17 when I hit 129.6 pounds. I set 130 as my goal weight that I wanted to maintain. I reached lifetime on August 5 weighing in at 128.4 pounds after 6 weeks of maintenance. I remember how great I felt, reaching that goal.

This time when I joined WW, I was 165.8 pounds. I have farther to go this time and it's harder. But I think if I get back to basics - and for me that means tracking by hand and having that actual journal to hold and write in and be able to go back and look at - I will do better. I *KNOW* I can do this, I can.

What do you do that works for you?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Today's post will focus on the good, the bad, and the ugly of the last few days, in no particular order.

The good.... I walked this morning, at the park. I ignored the rain clouds looming over head and headed out. I walked, didn't run. I didn't set my tracker for a 5K, I just set it to basic and off I went. I walked for 1 hour and 24 seconds, 3.57 miles. I walked just to walk - not to beat my previous times, not to break any records. I just walked. And it was great. Rain and all. I don't know why I couldn't get my butt out there these last couple of weeks when it becomes so apparent how much I enjoy it the minute I start walking.
(note to self: come back often and read this post to remind yourself how important walking is no matter what kind of funk you are in.)

The bad... I gained 2 pounds this week. Honestly, I expected it especially after missing the meeting the week prior. The meetings are great for getting me on the right foot for the new week. If I lose, it keeps me motivated to continue doing what I'm doing. If I gain, it motivates me to work harder. So, I will own these 2 pounds that are now along for the ride on my butt or hips or wherever else they decided to attach themselves.

The ugly... With the 2pounds I have gained, it puts me at a total loss of only 6.6 pounds in the whole time I've been back at WW. The highest my loss has been was 12.2 pounds so I have gained half of that back. This is pretty disheartening but I have to remember that it's just not easy to lose weight and life just gets in the way. The first time I did WW, it wasn't "easy" but it was "easier" than this time. But my body is different this time, it's been through the ringer, poked, prodded, and more. Not to mention I'm 5 years older now. It's just not easy. But I'm not going to give up.

The good... I am not going to let this weight loss battle beat me. I am going to keep at it, do the best I can, and know that I am doing exactly that. It may not be easy, but it will not beat me.

The bad... After re-commiting myself to tracking again on Wednesday, I fell off the wagon yesterday and didn't track a single bit. <sigh> So, I am starting over again today to try for my #7daychip. I know I can do this. I'll pick myself back up and start again. Today is day 1.

The ugly... I overate in a big way at dinner last night. Nobody's fault but mine. I did it and I own it. Time to move on.

The good... On Wednesday, I committed to not having Starbucks until the weekend. I successfully met that challenge and rewarded myself with one this morning. It was super yummy and I enjoyed it. I tracked it, and all is right in the world.

The good... When I went to WW yesterday, Lorraine (our fearless leader) was so happy to see me and greeted me with a hug. She said she  had been worried about me all week. That made me feel good. It's people like her who keep those meetings going and keep us coming back. She has been in the same place we have, fought the same battles, and is there to offer her support in any way she can. Thank you Lorraine.

The good... After the WW meeting, I had a great talk with Tammy, a WW friend. We chat at each meeting, and on Facebook. We both enjoy walking, and seem to have the same struggles with time, with our bodies cooperating, and just trying to get that scale to go down. She told me she was worried about me, that I was looking a little defeated and to not give up. Our talk reminded me that it is really good to get back to basics and just keep plugging along, doing the best we can. Thank you Tammy, you're a doll.

I might have to make this a regular post... It's a good way to get things off my chest, things I need to face and deal with. That's the whole point of my blog. I already have tomorrow's post in mine, so stay tuned!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Let's do this.

I did it - I stuck to my promise and walked this morning. I had to go on the treadmill due to the rain and by the time I decided the rain wouldn't stop for me, I only had 30 minutes to get it done. I did 2 miles in 34:35. The miles seem to take so much longer on the treadmill and I am not sure why there seems to be such a time difference beetween walking outside and on the treadmill, but there is. Regardless, I did it. Day one of getting back to it.
I am setting some goals for myself and I want to share them with you. Some you've heard before, some maybe you have not.

  • No Starbucks today, tomorrow, or Friday. They should be a rare treat on the weekends, not several days a week.
  • Get back to drinking at least 64 oz. of water a day. Most days I meet this goal, but I need to do it EVERYDAY.
  • Focus more on fruits and veggies and less on processed foods.
  • Track every bite I take. This has fallen very low on my list of priorities and that needs to change. The busier I am, the harder this is so I just need to really focus on it.
  • Walk 3 days a week, no less. More is good, but not less. I have to remember that even in this funk when I don't want to walk, I will feel much better after I've done it. Plain and simple.
Some of you may have heard about the #7daychip, maybe you have not. I've seen it fly by in Twitter posts and read about it on a couple different blogs I follow. Most recently I read about it over on Jen's blog, Jen In Real Life. She just got her #7daychip after setting a goal to track her food everyday. As she put it, she tracked everything for 8 days - the good, the bad, the ugly. If she can do it, so can I.

I visited the website for the #7daychip, which you can find here. You can read about Brad Gansberg and more on his website. The #7daychip is an acknowledgement of going 7 days without eating in an uncontrolled manner. You determine your own standards that you need to achieve this goal.

Since I want, NEED, to get back to tracking all of my foods, my goal is the same as Jen's. To track everything I eat for 8 days. The good, the bad, the ugly. When I'm done (notice I didn't say if), it will be a big accomplishment, one that will work side by side with my Weight Watchers goals. The goals that I know work when I do it.

With that said, I've already had 2 bottles of water this morning and I had oatmeal for breakfast, with soy milk and half an apple. Very filling.

Have any of you done the #7daychip? I'd love to hear about it if you have! Feel free to share some of your goals, too.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I'm here, I promise

That blah feeling I had on my last post (a week ago today, thank you) has certainly taken it's time skipping town. I haven't walked at all. For the first time in forever, my weekly dailymile report had 0 miles. Major guilt trip when I got that email. I've been eating a lot and making poor choices. And to top it off, I did not go to WW last Friday because I had a busy day ahead for work. My time at work and not at the meeting was well worth it, getting everything done that I needed to before the long weekend, but I should have gone to another meeting. I did not. I can't give you a good reason why because I don't know.

So, it's Tuesday afternoon and I have been home since 1pm. Internet was down and I had a big quote to get out for work. That requires internet. So I came home. I got the quote done as well as other things. Now would be the perfect time to go and walk, but I'm not. Instead I am roasting some zucchini because it sounded good. A little olive oil drizzle, some minced garlic, and italian seasoning. I've never made it this way and I had a whole pack of zucchini sitting in the fridge, just waiting to be used.

This morning I had a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks. Today was the first they had it and man it was good. I get mine with soy milk, it's that much creamier. I enjoyed every last drop of it. The problem is, this could VERY easily snowball into me wanting one every day. My waist AND my checkbook cannot afford that. So, I am putting the brakes on Starbucks starting now. I'll have to take an all or nothing approach with it at first and break this habit I've gotten back into over over the last couple of weeks. I'm sorry Starbucks, I'm not saying goodbye forever, just for a little bit. Perhaps you'll see me on the weekend. It's not you, it's me. Promise.

As for my walking, or lack thereof, I have to make a change. I have missed walking, but have also enjoyed the lack of pain in my foot. So, as soon as I can, I am buying a pair of inserts for my shoes as suggested by my brother. We'll give that a shot. I am also going to switch things up and go back to walking in the morning - STARTING TOMORROW. To be able to get it done first thing, at least for the next few weeks, will be nice. I have some guilt about neglecting other things around the house by walking in the afternoon when I get home so the mornings will be a good choice for now.

The wonderful thing is, I have now told the world my plans so now I have to do it. Should anyone feel the urge to check up on me and make sure I'm actually doing these things, I welcome the accountability. You know where and how to find me.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Wait, what?

Good grief, Charlie Brown. Has it really been over a week, almost 2 actually, since I last updated my blog? I've meant to update it several times but for some reason I have not. Chalk it off to the funkiness I have been in, I guess.

My last post was about evil bloated woman where I gained 3.4 pounds. &^%#%@ Yea, 3.4 lbs.. Mind you, no one forced the food down my throat or twisted my arm to eat whatever bad foods I ate that I probably should not have. But when evil bloated woman is here, I have NO self control. NONE. Really, I don't.

Moving past the 3.4 lb. gain, the next day I walked 13 miles with my fabulous sister-in-law. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy those walks? The high that I feel when done with that kind of walk should keep me going for a great start to the week leading up to the next weigh-in. But not last week. I didn't walk the Sunday after. And not that Monday. I did do a strength training work out (which, by the way, I felt for days). On Tuesday I walked 3.11 miles. I wanted to run, but my legs could not would not do it. Regardless, I walked it and got it done. On Wednesday, I did nothing. Nada. Same on Thursday. Thursday is normally a no workout day anyhow, but the guilt was there since I skipped the day before. When I walked into WW on Friday, I had no idea what the scale would say. Whatever it said, though, I would have to own it. I am the one who decided to not workout when I could have, or to eat whatever it was I should not have. Amazingly, I was down 1 pound. Honestly, I think the pound I lost was the fact that evil bloated woman was finally gone, at least until she rears her ugly head again in a few weeks.

That 1.0 lb. loss gave me a little jump start,. I was happy. I was even happier when my sister-in-law and I walked 14 miles on Saturday. That is nothing to sneeze at, my friends. It was a HARD walk this week. It was hot and humid and when we were done, my feet (especially my right foot) was screaming at me. My SIL had to stop at mile 12 due to blisters on her feet. It was brutal. But we gave it our best. I burned ALOT of calories, 1239 calories to be exact. Again, this should have kept me going into this week.

Where did this funk come from? Why I am so blah this past week and not really caring about what food choices I make? It's irritating, and to be quite honest, scary. I don't want to give up, I don't want to quit, but I feel like something else is controlling me.

I got home yesterday and should have walked. It was raining so I didn't. I should have gone on the treadmill, but I didn't. I got home today, no rain, a little bit of a breeze - I should have walked. But I didn't. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME??

Someone needs to give me a virtual slap or something. I don't know what needs to happen, but I have got to snap out of this funkiness. I don't want to be tired and blah and just whatever. I don't. I want to be that girl who comes home, changes quickly, and runs out the front door and knocks out 3.11 miles as quickly as I can. I want to walk back in the house, dripping with sweat, and post what I did, and enjoy the rest of my evening knowing I busted my butt.

If anyone can help me find that girl that does those things, I'll be eternally grateful. I'm really not sure where she is this week. I need her.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Evil bloated woman is here...

I am skipping my usual BYOC post this week to talk about a different topic. That being weight gain. My usual light-hearted, entertaining, information packed post will be replaced with something far less  fun, but something I want to talk about.

This week has been a weird one. I walked this past Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I didn't only walk, I ran. I kicked butt and sweat like there was no tomorrow. Then came Tuesday and I was tired. I was achy. My legs hurt. And I was grouchy. At some point that day, evil bloated woman took over my body and I had no say in it. I chose not to run that day, hell I didn't even want to walk. And it didn't take much convincing of myself to not go out. Instead, I did some cleaning when I got home. And I didn't miss the running. I attributed this to the arrival of evil bloated woman. I am over losing control of my body for a few days each month but whatever. Being a girl sucks. Did I mention that I had a couple of adult beverages as well?

Then comes Wednesday and I started the day thinking I would make up for the day before. WRONG. My eating that day was awful. I was on carb overload, consuming everything that is bad for me like there is no tomorrow. I knew it was wrong but I didn't care. Or evil bloated woman didn't care. The line can be very blurred at times. When I got home Wednesday afternoon, I knew I would not be running or walking. Nope, it wasn't going to happen.

This is what I started to feel guilty, but knew that no matter how much guilt I felt, I had no control over the situation. I was bloated and hungry and grouchy and as much as I wanted to not care about being good and getting out there, I really didn't.

Yesterday being a non-workout day for me, I took advantage of it and did just that. I didn't work out. Why would I? I was still grouchy and bloated and being held hostage by evil bloated woman. There was more eating foods that I shouldn't be eating, at least in the quantities I was eating them.

When I got up this morning, I dreaded getting on the scale at WW. For a minute, evil bloated woman tried to convince me NOT to go. But alas, I knew I would go. I had to go, I had to be accountable, no matter how bad it might be. The only thing is, I didn't realize it would be quite so bad.

I got on the scale this morning to see a 3.4 lb. weight gain. I gained exactly the amount of weight that I worked my butt off to lose the two weeks prior. I joked about evil bloated woman when I got off the scale and while I know she played a part in it, I knew that somehow I have to find a way to not let her control me like that and send me into a downward spiral.

I know I will lose that 3.4 pounds, I don't doubt that. I just worry that it'll take me two 2+ weeks to do it and then before I know it, evil bloated woman will be back again trying to trick me into her evil ways again. I have to find a way to keep her from controlling me.

Tomorrow morning I will be walking 13 miles with my sister-in-law for her training for the 3 Day walk. This will be a great start to the new week. I cannot let this get me down, I have to pick myself up and get right back to it. Evil bloated woman be damned.

Friday, August 12, 2011

It's BYOC time!

You know the drill by now... I answer random questions and then hopefully you do the same on your blog! Two of the blogs I follow, Joanna and Drazil do this so of course I have to copy them...

1. What is the absolute worst thing you hate to clean or cleaning chore you hate the most? (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, toilets, floors, etc.)
I will start by saying that I used to enjoy cleaning. Something about cleaning our home and keeping it nice. Not so much anymore. I think because I seem to be so busy, I have to make time to clean and honestly, I’d rather be doing something else. So here is my list of hates:
Dusting the furniture – I have 2 Aussies who shed a lot and we have dark, almost black, furniture. Got the visual now? Yea…. I used to be able to get away with not dusting every time I cleaned but now I really have to dust weekly. Otherwise it looks like someone threw up dog hair all over the furniture. (at the same time I’d just like to say that I love my crazy-shedding Aussies very much and would not trade them for anything.)
Cleaning the bathroom – it’s just gross. The sad thing is it’s just hubby and I – that’s it. Really we aren’t messy people. But our bathroom is just gross when it comes time to give it a good cleaning.
Folding laundry – it’s just a pain. And again, it’s just the two of us. And we don’t have a lot of clothes. But I still hate folding laundry.
Gee, now I’m super duper excited about cleaning this weekend. I can’t WAIT to get started. Ugh.

2. Brown or Black? Fly or Drive? Hot dog or Burger? Gold or Silver?
Brown or black? Um, both. I always say black is my favorite color, it’s very slimming. I have a lot of it. My closet is pretty drab and boring. With that said, I also like brown, especially in the fall.
Fly or drive? Rarely do I have occasion to fly, but I am very excited about this Thanksgiving and flying to California with hubby and Mommy. It will be bittersweet as it will be our first Thanksgiving without my dad and it’s been many many years since my mom has travelled out there. But it will be very nice to spend time with the family and I am looking forward to meeting hubby’s cousin who he hasn’t seen in years.  As for driving… I do a lot of it and I am always happy to not have to drive. So if the question is which would I prefer to do if I had the choice on a trip? I’d probably say fly, but maybe drive. All depends on my moo.
Hot dog or burger? This is a funny question because when we cookout and we have both, I will eat both. Why have to make a decision like that? But if I had to choose, it would be a burger. As much as I like hot dogs, I always wonder why I ate it later on. Doesn’t always seem to sit right with me.
Gold or silver?  Gold. All my jewelry is gold. I like silver, I think it’s very pretty, but it doesn’t look right on me. So gold it is.

3. Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them or even if a relationships exists – and you then try to describe that person in 5 short sentences/words.
Maternal Grandmother
Funny
Loud
Full of laughter
Loving
Proud
My grandma passed away 17 years ago. She was such a character. I miss her laughter. Wherever she was, there was laughter and it was LOUD. I would love to sit and talk to her now and her that laughter.

4. Even if you don’t have kids, how do you feel about kids in multiple sports during their school years? Were you in MULTIPLE sports all during school? Forced or by choice?
Okay, so we don’t have kids. But I grew up always doing some sort of activity. Not always a sport necessarily, but something extra-curricular. When I was very young, I took dance – tap, ballet, gymnastics. I also played tennis and softball. I was a brownie and a girl scout. In the 4th grade, I started playing flute in the school band and played all the way through my senior year in high school. I was always busy with something and I loved it. It worked for me – I was able to do what I needed to do with my school work and stay on top of things. I would like to think that if we were lucky enough to have kids and had the resources to do so, our children would be in activities as well.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
Whew, this was a busy week. Blog land was not as active as I’d like it to be, but that usually correlates with how my real life week is going. In real life, I got in another full week of walking/running (every day from Saturday – Wednesday and then I take Thursday and Friday off as rest days). I also decided that I REALLY want to sign up for a 5k to run in the fall. I think I can run a 5K at that point the way I’m going. It would make me feel great about what I’m doing. J Work was busy and despite a crazy rainy stormy day of not getting any work done, we still finished the week getting everything done I had hoped for. And when I weighed in this morning at WW, I was down another pound. GO ME!!! There was a lot of running, walking, protein, and water this week. It worked this week so I kept it up again. A successful week indeed.

If you do your own BYOC, be sure to let me know so I can read it!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Why I walk

Today I had the perfect excuse to not do my walk/run. It has been raining off and on all day. A consistent, wet rain that lets up for a little bit and then it's pouring again. Add in some lightning and thunder for effect, and that's how the whole day has been. And all I could think about was, this is going to screw up my walk.

But, I have a treadmill. I've had it for almost 8 years and I used to use it all the time. It used to be my favorite thing to do. I don't know why. The last couple of years, it's not been used nearly as much as in the past. But it serves a purpose and today was that exact purpose. When it was clear that the weather was going to keep inside, I knew I was lucky to have my treadmill as a backup.

After spending so much time walking/running outside, the treadmill is very different. My pace seems different and the time may as well be doubled. You know, like dog years vs. people years? An hour outside may as well be two hours on the treadmill. Why is that?

My time on the treadmill today did not have the full effect as if I had been outside, but the important thing is I did it. Not only did I do it, but I ran longer than I have outside as I posted on daily mile. This made me feel great and I was even more thankful that I had my treadmill and didn't just not do it.

Why do I walk? Why do I run? I've mentioned many times that it is as much for my mental health as it is my physical health. These are the reasons why:

  • It's MY time and I am doing something for myself
  • It's the only time I can find the "OFF" switch to my brain. I am a worrier and I am constantly thinking about everything. It is very rare that I am able to shut off my thinking and just not worry. Except when I am out there walking or running. The "OFF" switch works perfectly then.
  • I love the fresh air (another reason I prefer outside over the treadmill).
  • It's cheaper than therapy.
I am on a nice little high right now after running so far today. I am already thinking about tomorrow, hoping the rain is over by the afternoon so I can get out there and do exactly what I did on the treadmill today.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Bee an inspiration!

One of the blogs I follow is Bee Fit, written by an amazing gal named Colleen. She started her weight loss journey at 272 pounds and joined WW on Feb. 24, 2010 weighing 252.6 pounds. This past June, she made her goal at WW, losing 102 pounds. Her weight loss is AMAZING and her progress photos really show the hard work she has done to get to this point.

But what I love most about her story is her determination. When she reached her 220's, she started jogging. She ran her first 5k in September 2010. Since then she has completed several half marathons and many more 5ks. This is incredible to me. You read so many stories of people who say "when I reach my goal and lose all the weight, I'm going to run a half marathon". Not Colleen. She didn't wait. And I love that. And she's not stopping anytime soon. She just completed another half marathon over the weekend and is training for her first full marathon in November.

The reason I'm telling you about Colleen today, besides the fact that you should all go visit her blog and read for yourself how incredible she is, is to tell you that she inspired me to do something. I read today's blog post while I was eating my lunch. It was about the half marathon she completed this weekend AND set a new personal record for herself. Pretty amazing, huh?

A couple hours later, I read it again. I kept thinking about how incredible I feel to go out and walk 3, 4, 5, even 10 or 11 miles. And then I wondered how incredible she must feel about herself with all she has accomplished. To run a 5k would be a huge thing for me. To run a half marathon? Well, that almost seems out of reach for me but it is something I would love to do and it's a dream I have.

So I was driving home from work, trying to beat the rain clouds so I could get to the park and log my 3.11 miles for the day. On a normal day, I will alternate walking and running - mostly walking with probably a third of it running throughout. A little bit here, a little bit there. I tend to run more near the end as I am trying to make the most of my time, always trying to beat my best time.

Today I decided I was going to run 1 mile - all at once. Colleen's ability to go out and run a half marathon and train for a full marathon inspired me to run the first mile, just to see if I could do it. And I did. It took me 12:02. Not a fast mile by any stretch, but one that was comfortable for me. I DID IT. It felt great and kept me going for the rest of my walk, during which I did more running. As always, I am thankful for my strong legs that allow me to run and push myself.

Another exciting tidbit to mention... I have a new personal best for my 5k - 40:48, beating my previous best by 17 seconds. I am SO competitive with myself.

Now, I know I can run a mile. I'll work on that for a bit and then I'll try 2 miles. And one day you'll read about me running a 5K. Maybe I'll inspire others the way Colleen has inspired me.

Don't forget to check out Colleen's blog Bee Fit . You WILL be inspired.


Saturday, August 6, 2011

Saturday = Walking

Another Saturday, more miles chalked up. I am so happy to support my SIL Jenna in her training for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day For The Cure Walk. This morning we walked 11 miles and it was great as usual. Great scenery, great conversation, support, and girl time. Our tootsies were SORE when we were done. Me with my ever present pain in my heel (yes I know I should have it checked, ugh) and poor Jenna with a couple blisters. Hopefully she gets those blisters out of the way now before the 3 Day walk in October.

It is SO very empowering to do these training walks. Not only I am out there in support of Jenna, but it is great for me and trying to reach my weight loss goals. It's a win-win situation. Next Saturday... 12 miles!

Great group!! (I need a pink shirt!)

Strong and determined!!

Feeling very accomplished!

Enjoying the ice cold towels - they felt heavenly after walking in the heat.

Friday, August 5, 2011

You know what time it is.... BYOC!!!

If you follow my blog, surely you know what BYOC is by now. I got this from my fave blogger Joanna, which she got from Drazil. I follow both of them. If you haven’t checked them out, now is the time to do so. After you read mine, of course. J Here goes...
I’m going to pick a person in your life – not knowing if you have a good or bad, existing or non-existent relationship with them – and your mission is to pick 5 words or traits or thoughts to describe them.
Your paternal grandmother.
      This is a really hard one….  She passed away when I was only 6 months old so I never knew her.  So,   this answer will be based on pictures I have seen of her.

Fashionable
Serious
Strong
Well-travelled
Stern

     I *really* wish I could answer this better and from actually knowing her. =(

What’s your all time favorite color to paint your nails? And your toes?
 My fave color for my toes is an OPI color, I’m Not Really A Waitress. I used to have a bottle at home and would take it with me when I had a pedi. I haven’t had a pedi in forever, not do I have the color anymore but I love it. It’s a dark red color.
I am a clear polish girl for my nails, when I have nails to paint. Color does not stay on me, it will always chip. When I used ot have my nails done, I would do French manicure but that requires nails other than mine. =)

Do you get along with your parents well?
This is an easy one – YES. My mom and I are best friends. We work together and get along very well and support each other in everything. =)
My dad and I were very close. I miss him so much. =(

Speaking of rainbows – rank the rainbow colors in the order you prefer.
Pink
Red
Blue
Yellow
Orange
Green
Purple

Pink is my first choice because it is my niece’s favorite color. Her whole world is pink and it’s adorable.

Repeat question. How was your week in real life and in blog land this week?

In real life, I busted my ass this week. I worked out hard, made some changes to my food choices, kept up the water, and it all paid off when I got on the scale this morning at WW and was down 2.4 pounds. I was ecstatic because I gained 2.6 pounds last week, so of course I had to get rid of those before I can move on. So now it’s time to move on to the next couple of pounds that is between me and my goal. Slowly but surely I will get there.

In blog land, I have been keeping up with my fave blogs although I have not had time to comment on them. I feel bad about that but working out hard means something has to give. But if I follow you, know I am reading up on your posts. J I wrote a pretty deep post on Wednesday about my dad. It was hard to write, I sat on it for a few days, but I’m glad I put it out there. It made me feel a little better. As I say each week, I hope to keep up with my blog this coming week and keep everyone entertained and coming back for more.

If you do your own BYOC, be sure to let me know so I can read it!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Reflection

I wrote this on Monday, not sure if I wanted to post it… But I decided that is what my blog is for. So, here goes…. My heart and soul are here for all to see in this one.

I did something on Sunday I had not done in many months. I drove by the hospital. I’m not sure what possessed me to do so as normally I avoid driving past it. When I finished my walk Sunday morning over the causeway, I headed home. This time, I turned onto the street that would take me past the hospital. Not only did I take the street that would take me past the hospital, but I turned ONTO the street the hospital is on. What was I thinking?
I pulled into the parking lot and sat for a few minutes. The parking lot that I pulled in and out of two, three times a day for 30 days when my dad was there. It seemed the same, but different.
As far as the building itself goes, it’s a nice building that faces the gulf, with Clearwater Beach and Sand Key in the distance. It’s a pretty view. But the building itself holds so many feelings and emotions. Walking in there when he first went to the emergency room due to his stomach pain, hoping and praying that whatever it was, was not serious and he would go home soon. Leaving the same day knowing he was being admitted and likely would have to have surgery. The day of the surgery when there was concern that afterwards, he would have to go into ICU due to his age and condition. The elation of his surgery going well and knowing he did not have to go to ICU, but rather a regular room for his recovery. Within 36 hours, the tone began to change and walking into that building took on a stronger, heavier meaning each time, as he was in the critical care unit for days until he finally started to recover. On Friday, Nov. 19, my mom and I took him home. I drove past the parking lot where him and I sat, his first time out in the sun in two weeks. He still was not 100% better but to see him up out of that hospital bed and in his wheelchair and outside was wonderful. He just needed to go home and finish his recovery.
The trip back to the hospital the next night would again change everything. Running into the emergency room, knowing he was being rushed there by ambulance, after possibly having a stroke. How could this be? He went home just the day before, all of his doctors agreed he needed to be home. For the next two weeks, I would come and go every single day, spending 12+ hours in this building. As much time as I could, I was in his room in ICU, the rest of the time I was in the waiting room. Our family took the waiting room over and the hospital never said a word.
This is the hospital that our doctors send us to for routine tests as needed. I’ve had surgery at this hospital myself. My hubby has been to that emergency room twice himself. All the times we had been there, we left well. The day my dad passed away, I walked out of there seeing it as a totally different building, one that I likely would have a hard time ever going into again.
It’s a very strange feeling to leave someone at a hospital. To say goodbye to a loved one, to my Daddy, and walk out of the building knowing he is still in there. Of course I know now that he left there with us and is with us everywhere we go. But I still remember that day very well, it is all very vivid in my mind and likely will be for a very long time. Just being in the parking lot again, I felt a wide range of emotions. Mostly sadness, pain, hopelessness – all thoughts of missing him and knowing I will never see him again. But I also felt a tiny bit of relief. I certainly was not relieved that he had passed away. No… My relief was in looking back on those 4 weeks in the hospital, mostly the last 2 weeks when he was in ICU, and that he did not have to go through that anymore.  All the tests, procedures, dialysis, and so on that he endured, most likely without even knowing it.  Being on the ventilator, having a feeding tube…. All the things that had we ever had a conversation about it, I know he would now have wanted. The big question then was to do a tracheotomy or not. I struggled with that a lot in those days, as we all did, knowing in my heart that he would not want that, but struggling with the thought of having him for one more day. I am glad, now, that we did not do it. It would have been one more thing for him to go through needlessly.
What happened in that room that day we said goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life, but it was also an amazing day. My dad was surrounded by people who loved him and we all had the courage to hold his hand and say goodbye and watch him leave. He always knew he had us with him and I hope and pray that he knew we were right there with him that day, at that moment.
Will I drive by the hospital again? Probably so. At some point it’s likely I’ll have to go inside should the medical need arise. I’ll face that when the time comes. It’s still very surreal and I still have moments where I can’t believe that he’s not here. Tomorrow, the 4th, will be 8 months. 8 MONTHS. I know where I’ll be… Watching the sunset at Crystal Beach in his memory. We love and miss you every day, Daddy….

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sunshiney Sunday

After my 10 mile walk yesterday, which is approx. 6 1/2 miles more than I would do on an average day, I thought that I might not walk today. I would leave that decision until this morning, but I know when I was thinking about it last night, the idea of laying on the sofa all day sounded pretty nice.

Hubby went to play paintball this morning and I found myself craving the sunshine and I decided I would go out and walk. No running today, all walking. Not wanting to necessarily go to the park, I took the opportunity to go to downtown Clearwater to walk the causeway over to the beach. Plenty of sunshine there.

I filled my Camelbak with ice cold water and off I went. There is parking at the base of the causeway bridge (shaded no less!). I walked all the way over the causeway, south on the main strip and then back up again to the pier before heading back over the causeway. It was H-O-T and I was definitely getting my share of sunshine on my shoulders. This girl loves to be tan and I am loving the sunkissed look of my shoulders now.

I contemplated going over the bridge once more when I got back to my starting point but by the time I got there, I had walked 5.30 miles in 1 hr. 31 min. and I was tired, soaked with sweat, and hot as hell. I decided best not to be stupid about it and quit while I was ahead. As it is, my hubby wanted me to text him when I was done just so he wouldn't worry about me in the heat. Even at 10 am this morning the heat index was in the upper 90's and the UV index was VERY high at 10. Hence, my super sunkissed shoulders today. =)

I've walked a total of 15.30 miles in the past 2 days. That is more than I do in most weeks. I could not walk the rest of the week and be ahead of the game. Or I could walk as much as I can this week and see if I can hit 30 miles for the week. I wonder which one I'll do....

So now that the walk is behind me, I've had a fantastic cool shower, and put aloe lotion on, I am ready to take over my spot again on the sofa, guilt free.

Enjoy your Sunday!

Beautiful white sand of Clearwater Beach - such pretty scenery to walk past

View of Sand Key from the Memorial Causeway






My route to the beach and back - 5.30 miles

Saturday, July 30, 2011

10 miles!

This morning, my SIL Jenna and I walked a 10 mile training walk for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day For The Cure walk she is doing in October. Given that I haven't walked in over a week, this was a GREAT way to jumpstart this new week. I am determined to give it my best this week and see how the scale responds on Friday.

But back to our walk.... We started out doing 6 miles. The view is so pretty, overlooking Tampa Bay and beautiful homes along Bayshore Blvd. in Safety Harbor. How is this for a view?

Overlooking Tampa Bay in Safety Harbor

At the 6 mile mark, we had a pit stop. We were welcomed with cold water, fresh fruit, salty snack, and the best part - ice cold towels. I immediately wrapped the towel around my neck, it was heavenly. They had chairs set up in the shade, so we sat for a few minutes to rest our feet. It was a nice break. Here we are enjoying the break.

The ice cold towels were AWESOME!
Soon we were on our way to do the last 4 miles. It went by pretty quickly and we felt very empowered when we hit the 10 mile mark. Our time was 3 hrs. 5 minutes, not bad at all. My foot was bothering me but nothing that held me back. As always, I enjoy Jenna's company when we're walking and I am happy to support her in her training. It's a win-win situation. =)

We had breakfast at a local grill afterwards - boy was I hungry!! It was nice to sit down, in air conditioning, and enjoy a nice meal. One of the ladies we walked with, Debbie, joined us. Great conversation and a feeling of accomplishment made for such a nice morning.

Hot and sweaty and ready for breakfast!
I look forward to the next training walk with Jenna!