Thursday, March 10, 2011

It is so hard to be me...

Since my last post, I have stopped drinking soda. I was drinking it EVERY day. Really did not need to drink that much soda. Yes, it's yummy but I just don't need it. So 3 days of no soda - yay me! Don't get me wrong, though. I still need to do something about my love of Starbucks and those damn chocolate bars.

I keep thinking about going back to Weight Watchers. The structure and accountability is really good for me. But the little devil that sits on my left shoulder says "but you'll have to keep track of every think you eat." Well duh! That is the point of accountability. If I do it, I have to do it 100%. I am an all or nothing person. Anyone who knows me, knows this. It is so hard to be me...

So I should join, right? Right. But here's the problem. I'll have to get on the scale. (insert eye roll here)

Literally, I have not been on a scale in about 8 months. That alone is huge for me because there was a point in time that I used to get on the scale every single day. When I joined WW in 2006, that stopped. Too many fluctuations every day just from breathing that would send me reeling if the numbers went up. So I would only get on the scale once a week, at the meeting. And I pretty much wore the same thing every week AND I would always take my shoes off. You have to be consistent, right? Right.

I have always struggled with my weight. Always. In high school I thought I was fat. Looking at pictures of myself back then I wonder what the heck was I thinking?? I didn't need to lose weight then. Seriously. Always an active person, I started working out in my senior year of high school and I loved it. Don't get me wrong, I don't always want to work out and there are months that will pass without. But it's those times that I am totally into that I love. That wonderful high after a workout, knowing that I did something for myself that is good for me. It's great. A brisk walk, a run, Tae Bo, the gym... It's all great.

But my body has been through the ringer the past few years. Poked, prodded, tested, re-tested, and medications that have packed on the pounds. I am TERRIFIED of what the scale will say. What if it's higher than my highest back in 1997?

So back to this whole WW thing... I WANT to dive back into it and follow it like I did before. But CAN I do it? Can I make better food choices all the time in lieu of eating whatever I want that has gotten me in this pickle. I will tell you this... If someone had asked me about WW 6 months ago, I would have said no way, I don't have it in me to do it right now. I can't set myself up to fail. But now, I think I might. 

Stay tuned....

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