These trusty feet of mine...

At the beginning of the March, I set a goal to walk 100 miles. I hit my 100 miles today, the 30th day of the month. I walked 28 of the 30 days. 26 of those days were outside, 2 were on the treadmill because I wasn't going to let some silly weather get in the way of my goal.

I love setting goals for myself and achieving them. If only all goals were as easy to attain as this one. Yes, it took 30 days to reach it, and a lot of effort and sweat and tired legs. But every minute, every step, and every drop of sweat was worth it. I did it for me. And the best part, I had total control over it and made it happen.

Remember that will power I was searching for weeks ago, just before joining WW again? This is that will power I spoke of. That focus I needed to keep on track and take care of myself.

Oh how I love these trusty feet of mine... I know they will take me farther and farther down this road.

I *heart* Walking

It's no secret that I've been walking alot lately. ALOT. I set a goal of 100 miles for the month of March. I am getting close and WILL meet that goal. I have only missed 2 days this month. That's 20 days of walking out of 22 days, to date. That's a lot of walking.

Doing this much walking makes me wonder why I got off track (no pun intended) and stopped walking. Life started to get in the way and I made excuses that I was too busy, had too much going on, and on and on. But I NEED to walk. It is literally like therapy. When I am walking, all the stress I carry on my shoulders the rest of the day isn't there. I'm not thinking about all the stuff I need to do or work stuff or any of that. I am just focused on that time that I am making for myself and truly enjoying it. And bonus, it's good for me physically, too.

I take Blue with me - he LOVES it. Being a high-energy dog, he needs it. The minute I get home, he is so excited because he knows we're heading out that door. It's great bonding time with him - he is so loyal. He is ready to walk whenever I want and will walk as far as I want. And for that I am thankful because it is Blue that got me out the door and walking again. Thank you, little buddy.

1st week on WW!

My first week on WW was really good. Going back felt right at the time and I still agree 100%. The minute I left the meeting, I was already planning what I would keep around to snack on, have for meals, etc... It's funny how lack of structure caused me to forget all the wonderful foods and recipes I enjoyed while on WW. It was just easier to eat whatever was handy, quick, and easy. Ultimately, those choices packed on the pounds.

I weighed in Friday morning and was so happy when I saw I lost 3.6 pounds. The best thing, I didn't feel deprived once all week. And ironically, when we went out to dinner Friday night, I enjoyed a great meal (steak, shrimp, salad, rice pilaf) and had no guilt. I chose not to have Cold Stone because it felt good to make that choice. That was a hard one, but I am so glad I didn't have one. It's all about choices.

I am making my garden vegetable soup for the week now, it smells so good cooking. I am looking forward to another good week. Remember how I was afraid I'd have to get on the scale if I joined WW? Well now I can't wait to get on the scale. It's a great feeling to take good care of myself, and a long time coming.

I did it!

I joined WW, bright and early this morning. I decided as much as I was thinking about it, it meant I needed to do it. The center I used to go to was just around the corner from my house, but has since moved. All new... Much has changed including the points system. It is now Points Plus.

Ironically, I was not as worried about getting on the scale as I thought I would be. Not sure if that is good or bad. Since I've been so candid about my weight in my last few posts, I will share my first weigh-in. (YIKES)I weighed 165.8 lbs.. This is 7 pounds more than I weighed the first time I joined WW in 2006. It is also 6 pounds less than my highest weight ever. I am glad I was not more than my highest, but being 6 pounds away is nothing in my world. Very scary. I am definitely glad I went back. It was time.

So, my first goal is 5% which is 8 pounds. After that is to reach my 10% goal, 16 pounds. The first time I did WW, I consistently lost 1-3 pounds a week. The slower the better in my world. I am not looking to lose 10 pounds in one week. So this first week will be all about getting used to keeping track of my points again, as well as recalculating the foods I eat as the points may have changed.

For now, Fridays will be my weigh-in day. I will be very open and honest here about my weight loss efforts because I need to be. And who knows, maybe I'll help someone else in the process.

I also walked 5 miles today. Activity certainly won't be a problem. My biggest hurdle will be food. I am so excited to have this weekend free to get foods ready for the week. The more prepared I am, the better. I did that last time and it was great.

I am feeling VERY empowered and excited. I have a closet full of clothes that currently don't fit and I can't wait to fit in them again.

It is so hard to be me...

Since my last post, I have stopped drinking soda. I was drinking it EVERY day. Really did not need to drink that much soda. Yes, it's yummy but I just don't need it. So 3 days of no soda - yay me! Don't get me wrong, though. I still need to do something about my love of Starbucks and those damn chocolate bars.

I keep thinking about going back to Weight Watchers. The structure and accountability is really good for me. But the little devil that sits on my left shoulder says "but you'll have to keep track of every think you eat." Well duh! That is the point of accountability. If I do it, I have to do it 100%. I am an all or nothing person. Anyone who knows me, knows this. It is so hard to be me...

So I should join, right? Right. But here's the problem. I'll have to get on the scale. (insert eye roll here)

Literally, I have not been on a scale in about 8 months. That alone is huge for me because there was a point in time that I used to get on the scale every single day. When I joined WW in 2006, that stopped. Too many fluctuations every day just from breathing that would send me reeling if the numbers went up. So I would only get on the scale once a week, at the meeting. And I pretty much wore the same thing every week AND I would always take my shoes off. You have to be consistent, right? Right.

I have always struggled with my weight. Always. In high school I thought I was fat. Looking at pictures of myself back then I wonder what the heck was I thinking?? I didn't need to lose weight then. Seriously. Always an active person, I started working out in my senior year of high school and I loved it. Don't get me wrong, I don't always want to work out and there are months that will pass without. But it's those times that I am totally into that I love. That wonderful high after a workout, knowing that I did something for myself that is good for me. It's great. A brisk walk, a run, Tae Bo, the gym... It's all great.

But my body has been through the ringer the past few years. Poked, prodded, tested, re-tested, and medications that have packed on the pounds. I am TERRIFIED of what the scale will say. What if it's higher than my highest back in 1997?

So back to this whole WW thing... I WANT to dive back into it and follow it like I did before. But CAN I do it? Can I make better food choices all the time in lieu of eating whatever I want that has gotten me in this pickle. I will tell you this... If someone had asked me about WW 6 months ago, I would have said no way, I don't have it in me to do it right now. I can't set myself up to fail. But now, I think I might. 

Stay tuned....

Has anyone seen my willpower?

I can't seem to find it... Seriously, I've looked everywhere and it is nowhere to be found. Every morning I wake up with good intentions of eating better that day. Once I fail to do so, I figure the day is a bust, may as well not worry about it. Tomorrow is another day. I go to bed thinking that tomorrow I will do better. Tomorrow never seems to come.

Five years ago I lost 30 pounds on Weight Watchers. I rocked it, totally stuck to the plan, swore by it, and it worked. Went to a meeting every Saturday and constantly saw the scale going down. I was never hungry. I changed my eating habits and made better choices. Eating better motivated me to work out. I worked out twice a day for a couple months of my weight loss journey. I became a runner and did TaeBo like there was no tomorrow. I even continued to lose weight while we had our Italian restaurant and had all that wonderful food at my fingertips. Where in the world did I get that will power??

I think about how great it felt to feel good in my skin, to love shopping for clothes. I kept the weight off, for the most part, for almost two years. What happened to that will power??

Oh yes, I know.... We've battled infertility for over four years now... Tests, medications, poking and prodding, the heartbreaking depression it causes... Yea, that didn't help things any. Add to that the stress of being self-employed and dealing with all that comes with that in these trying economic times. And of course most recently, the loss of my daddy. No matter what I have faced in the past four years,  my friend FOOD has always been here. I am an emotional eater, that is for sure. The second I get stressed, I know there is a salty snack waiting for me, or a heavenly sweet chocolate treat. Not to mention a beer or two, or a glass of wine or two.

Something has to give... Something has to change. I haven't been on a scale in probably 8 months now.... Probably the longest I have ever gone without weighing myself. I am TERRIFIED of what the scale will say. Thankfully we don't even have one here.

Twelve years ago I was at my heaviest of 173. I saw a picture of myself and wanted to cry. I made huge changes and over the course of a year I lost 40 pounds by following a strict low-carb diet. I will never do that again. No carbs for Nanci makes for an unhappy girl. I'm Italian, carbs are a necessity. In fact, if you tell me I can't have any type of food, I'm not happy. That is what was so great about Weight Watchers - I could literally have anything I wanted as long as I budgeted my points.

When I met Mike I was 133 pounds and felt great. We fell in love, got comfy with each other, got married, and the weight went back on. In early 2006 I was 157 pounds and decided I had to do something for complete fear of getting back up to 173. So I joined WW and lost 30 pounds, getting down to 127. Anywhere between 127 and 130 is my happy weight, where I am my most comfortable. The last time I was on a scale about 8 months ago, I was 159. Every single pound I worked so hard to lose on WW came back, and brought a few friends. It's like my mom says... The problem with losing weight is that is ends up finding me again.

So why don't I just join WW again? Well, for one, it's an expense that is not quite in the budget right now. But I know how to do it, what to follow, every little trick to make the most of it. So why don't I do it on my own? I need the accountability of weighing in once a week. Knowing I have to get on a scale once a week sure does make me think twice about that Hershey bar I want to eat. Maybe I should get a scale after all...

I have been walking and walking... I love to walk. Walking is a great exercise and it's free. But it's not doing me a darn bit of good if I keep stuffing my face. So, I need to do something. This fragile heart and soul of mine can't take any huge changes so I need to take it a step at a time... My first step will be to cut the soda out. I used to have one, maybe two, sodas a week - usually on the weekend. The past several months, it has become a daily thing again. Cutting soda out is my first step. And I will get my water intake back to where it was. I am even setting reminders on my phone to tell me to DRINK WATER!!!

If you so desire, you can follow my quest to once again, lose weight. I have to, I need to. For me.